How NO Can Be Positive

Children are not designed to raise their parents.

This basic premise seemingly is lost among America's parents, at least for the past 3 decades. Ever since America became industrialized, families began moving from the farms to the cities to work, and then around the late 50's, those families began spreading out into urban areas to live where there was more room and cheaper land. This is now what we call the suburbs. With all this moving from farms to the 'burbs, and the relative enrichment of the average American family, came a trend where parents had less contact with their children, and their children had less contact with any kind of responsible work around the home (or farm). In the past 2 decades, one would be hard pressed to find more than 1 in 1000 children to youth-aged children who have ever performed a "chore." Whereas in pre-1940 America a child might work side by side with their parent(s) around the homestead for upwards of 4 hours a day, in post 1960 America, the average child has less than 30 minutes of meaningful contact with either parent a day. It is how even that meger time is spent that is the most disturbing.

The trend in parenting today is to ask the child for advice, direction, and permission, which is exactly opposite of the way it is supposed to be. Quick reference to the previous paragraph would require the need for clarification in that, while families of the past spent more time together, including working together (on farms, etc.), that was no guarantee that all children of the past were reared in a more orthodox fashion. However, having great exposure to the "builder generation," this author can attest to the evidence of traditional, orthodox parenting among those raised prior to the 1950's. Another way of saying this is: among the builder generation, children who ruled over their parents were as unusual as polka dotted zebra's. Hard to find.

Unorthodox parenting is based upon the situation where children are greatly involved in their own rearing, including decision making. This comes about from parents who have shallow resources to pull from for parenting skills, and their deficit of skills is greater than that of their parents. You see, the more financially prosperous America becomes, the more lax and detached parents become, and the more children suffer from too much prosperity, too little work, and too many decisions to make as a child. This article is not an attempt to blame prosperity for spoiled, lazy, and disrespectful children, but merely to show an obvious correlation.

Orthodox parenting understands that the adult parent is in charge of all facets of the child's life, and therefore makes all the decisions for that child, based upon their greater wisdom and intelligence. Orthodox parenting is geared totally towards preparing the child for a responsible, productive adult hood, even if that means the child has to "endure" temporary loss of freedom or delayed satisfaction. Orthodox parenting knows full well that if the child is left to decide, they will almost always, in almost all situations, choose what is easiest, quickest, and least beneficial for them, based upon immediate need gratification and limited knowledge.

Unorthodox parenting is based upon the need to quiet or appease the child in their time of need, which as it turns out, is just about 24/7. This type of parenting shares the child's lack of vision into the future, and merely tries to deal with the here and now. Unorthodox parenting puts the child's immediate needs far above their future needs, and simply "hopes" the future will come to them in a safe, sensible way, with all problems smoothing out in the process.

Unorthodox parents tend to:

• Ask the child what they want to eat
• Ask the child what they want to wear
• Ask the child if they want to be punished
• Ask the child to be nice
• Ask the child to listen to them
• Ask the child to help around the house in vague, indefinite ways
• Be inconsistent in punishment and enforcement
• Whine to their children when they misbehave
• Attempt to strike deals with their children
• Break down easily and give in to the child's demands
• Try to "buy" love from their children by offering gifts or lienency
• Avoid "embarassing" their children at all costs
• See only good in their own child, but all the flaws in other children
• Accept disrespect and hatred from their children
• Give up and walk away from situations where the child is pressing an issue
• Display no real skills in parenting

Orthodox parents tend to:

• TELL their child what to eat, feeding them sound nutritionally balanced meals
• Tell their child what to wear, enforcing decency and good taste
• Tell their child the rules for punishment, and then stick to them
• Tell their children to behave
• Expect comformity to their rules and regulations
• Understand that no child will repeatedly choose what is best for them
• Set boundaries that only benefit the child in the long run
• Say no, mean no, and stick to no when "no" is the appropriate answer
• Understand that they are in charge, and not the child
• Let their children know that they as parents do not live for their children, but are merely responsible for raising them properly so they can move on and be responsible adults
• Allow loving discipline to win the child over, not temporary gifts
• Be determined to make their child see that they are not the center of the universe, but merely another "cog in the wheel" of life, and should always act accordingly
• Teach their children to always respect adults, especially seniors

Quite a contrast, isn't it? But who raises their children by the points of the second, orthodox list? Very few indeed, which is why we now live in a generation of selfish, disrespectful, lazy, immoral, and short sighted adults and children who will, in turn, raise children worse than themselves.

God help us.

The Exalted

Super Bowl 42 is now history, and history keeps repeating itself.

In this much lauded pantheon of pigskin portentions, a single victor emerges, and a single, vanquished team leaves the field of play defeated and dejected. Amid all the chaff and celebration, a single player and solitary coach are lifted to the podium set in the middle of the field, as announcers grope for the proper words to celebrate these proxies representing the entire organization that now basks in the glow of fading glory.

Does anyone see beyond the lights? Does anyone reason further than the statistics? Does anyone question the real significance of it all?

The NY Giants truly played a giant of a game, defeating the seemingly undefeatable New England Patriots in the super-fest we call the Super Bowl. Further analogizing the Giant theme, shades of David and Goliath could be seen in the pre-game musings over who would surely be the victor, and who would be defeated. And who could argue with the recent historical evidence? The Patriots were having a cinderella season, with 16 victories, and no defeats in their season. They had proven to be a formidable force in the NFL, showing almost effortless ability to win against any foe, using their seemingly endless roster of talent at will. Much like the Mike Tyson of old, they walked into the ring of competition with visible confidence and unrestrained ability. As the season unfolded, opposing teams quit asking if they could win, and began asking themselves how to lessen the impact of their given loss to the 'Pats. They were truly the golden child of the '07 season.
The Giants, by comparison, struggled early with two consecutive losses and trouble brewing in the upper ranks of management. As sports writers are known to do, there were early rumblings of a troubled and loss-ridden season for the Giants. However, true to their blue-collar metaphor, they dug in, began to play as a team, and eeked out victory after victory. As post season approached, they were not the favored team to win their conference, but even then, they rose to the occassion and found themselves looking like the spoilers who stole a heady invitation to the game's biggest party. We'll call them the Rocky Balboa's of '07: quaint, raw, awkward, but determined.

The details of the game will be forgotten by both time and this author, but the analogies that present themselves in relation to life in general must be explored, for they are too profound to ignore.

Modern American sports exist to laud and exalt victory. In more recent decades, the American and world public find themselves in a constant search for a hero to exalt above all else, for it is not enough to praise a winning team, but we must also (at least here in the western part of the world) find that one individual on a team to praise above all else. It would seem that those who "bring us the news" cannot focus upon a team, so they search for someone, a lone person, to pin all their ink upon for the consuming public. We should be insulted at such poor logic, but instead, the public follows along like a donkey chasing the proverbial carrot. Is it not enough that only the ultimate victor gets all the attention, but we also have to pull from a talented team the supposed pinnacle of their talent, in the form of one person?

It says something very disturbing about American culture, this endless search for "the top" athlete and team. It begs more questions than the unthinking masses want answered.

Tom Brady, quarterback of the Patriots, was spoken of more often than anyone else in the organization, from the coach, to the owner, to all the other players. When all the comments and comparisions and air time his face received are added up, one would assume that he was the team, and all the other uniformed men were there just to make him look good. But he's not the first to receive these accolades, and he will certainly not be the last. But to spend too much time on this particular subject is not the focus of this article.

All of the victories of this past season prepared the Patriots for only one thing: further victories. They forgot how to lose. Matter of fact, given that the sentiment described above is accepted by most in the NFL, few teams or individuals are prepared to lose. Wise 'ol Andy Griffith once said to Opey, "Winnin's easy....it's losing that builds character." Andy was right, but no one in American sports is listening to him, and even fewer of the millions of sports fans are either.

In our "Winning is Everthing" society, we are losing more than just a few lessons. We are losing our ability to accept life as it is, with victories and defeats boardering the road of life. We are foregoing valuable lessons that help to mold us into better people, and a better culture. We are exalting one another, rather than the one God and Lord who only deserves such a place in our lives.

Tom Brady may be a fine man, but he looked utterly confused and average, if you will, when faced with an on-slaught of fierce defensive linemen who were determined to give him a helmet headache. Eli Manning, who must tire of the monkey on his back, looked like what he really is in football, and that is -- an average athlete who continues to try while becoming incrementially better at his position. He was unprepared to be the victor, and Brady unprepared to be the loser. But both men deserve appropriate accolades for playing well within their respective teams, and for making it as far as the super bowl. And so the question: Why do we not view these games in this way, rather than "victor takes all?"

It all goes back to being exalted. We, as humans, were not designed and created to EVER be exalted. In fact, you might say that being exalted is the antithesis of our very nature. We were created to exalt the one true God, and to be instruments of praise and adoration towards our creator and Savior. In reality, we were designed to be devoid of any praise or adoration ourselves, and so when we seek to exalt one another, or even ourselves, we are committing a heinous sin against God, mainly in the form of idolatry. This goes for even something like exalting a president, a quarterback, or an entertainer. Look at the lives of certain young, female singers to witness the ill effects of exaltation upon them and their health. In short, exaltation for humans is caustic at best, idolatry at worst. We are to project the praise (towards God) and never to receive it. Not even from each other.

Lessons learned from the recent super bowl?

1. In all of life, how we handle defeat says more about us than how we handle winning.
2. No one, anywhere, wins all the time. To be unprepared to lose is to live outside of reality.
3. There really is no "I" in TEAM. Here in America, we would do well to celebrate the collective effort than to exalt the select individual.
4. No human is ever to be exalted. We were not designed to receive praise, and if we attempt to do so, we void our warranty, as it were.
5. Ultimate victory (as we try to define it) is a fairy tale soon forgotten, devoid of meaning or substance. What lasts is the character that is built as we each strive towards achieving the goals (hopefully) God has set before us. It's all those bumps and bruises that refine us, and not the victories. In reality, a supposed victory is in the travel, not the destination.
6. When, will we as a society, begin to see striving and work ethic as and end unto itself? Will we lose anything if we forego the notion that all things must end in a final showdown?
7. Another year, and another super bowl. May it be a year when fewer exalt one, and more exalt the only One worthy of our praise.