How Do I Count?

I first met Tony Areno in the grocery store where I worked. He was a hard charging, fast talking, energetic young man who was the produce manager. He moved fast, talked to almost everyone as if he was commander in chief, and let it be known that he was going places.

Tony came from what could be called an average family. He had also served a 4 year stint in the army. When I met him, he was newly married, fresh out of the army, and was working at this store because good jobs in that small southern town were hard to find, unless you had family ties. He was also seeking significance in his life. The store owner was a Christian, and a bi-vocational preacher, and Tony was highly influenced by this man. He wanted to impress him. I was not a Christian at the time (but would become one just a year later) but I could tell that Tony's referral to Christian themes and morals were in his head, and not in his heart. You might say Tony had a NFL-esque Christian view -- "it's good to give props to God, but living it out is another thing."

Fast forward some 12 years or so later. Tony moved on to other things, I continued to work at that store for many more years, and in the meantime, moved out of town, but eventually came back to finish school. Not long after coming back, I was in my home church, reacquainting myself with old friends and some new faces. An old friend asked me if I recognized the guy across the room. I said I did not, but he did look familiar. He was beckoned over, and as he hobbled his way across the room, I was told his name. "This is Tony Areno." The reason I had difficulty making the connection was more in the way he carried himself, rather than the difference 12 years can make in appearance. This small, skinny, wobbly middle-aged looking man did not resemble the Tony I once knew. Sure, the old Tony was slight in stature, but he had a fire in his eyes and a quick tongue. The man standing in front of me held out a shaky hand, spoke with a slow, determined stutter, and could not stand fully straight. And there was no fire in his eyes.

The short version of the story is that Tony tried to "apply" a Christian label to himself all those years ago, but he lived a reckless life full of drugs and alcohol. He was motivated and determined, and wanted his life to count for something big. But one night, after he and his wife left a party, stoned and drunk, he had a bad auto accident. Massive head trauma. Some surgeries and lots of rehabilitation later, he was able to walk, talk, and get around, but in a way that resembled a 80 year old man. When I met Tony the second time, he was single (his wife left him after the accident), broken, slow talking, slow walking, but he had one thing going for him -- Christ was no longer someone he "admired," Christ was now someone he worshipped as Lord and Savior.

Tony's fundamental personality was still intact -- he liked to play jokes, laugh, and get really serious and pointed on certain issues -- but his testimony about Christ now was real and believable. That fire that used to be in his eyes had moved into his bones, because he could not help but tell people about a Christ that he now knew. Tony was unable to work, barely able to drive (very scary!) but he was always at church, always positive, and always an inspiration to others. And he still wanted his life to count. But unlike in his previous life, when he wanted life to count for him, he now wanted his life to count for Christ.

Tony died some 7 years ago. After his accident, it was found out that he had Cystic fibrosis, and that, along with other medical issues on-going from his accident, eventually claimed his life. But many times when I spent time with Tony playing softball, talking at church, or going on outings with him, he would tell me, "I thought I was really going somewhere and going to be somebody when you knew me before. But now, I see that I was heading no where. I wouldn't take back what happened to me for anything, because I see that God used that to show me I needed Him."

Most people are looking for significance in their lives. "Most" is used intentionally, because there are people out there who just don't care at all. But for the majority of humans, there is a need deep inside for our lives to "count." Defining what "count" means divides us up into many splintered communities, but possibly all of that could be reduced in to two camps: Those who want life to count for them, and those who want their lives to count for something bigger.

Success and failure, based solely upon human conventions, is an exercise in arbitrary futility at best. Donald Trump is a very rich man. He builds huge buildings. He also sucks at relationships. He infuriates thousands. He has lost millions and gained it back, and many people associated with him went down with him and never got back. Michael Jordan was a highly recognized basketball player. He made hundreds of millions. He also has a massive gambling habit, and now a divorce. Brittany Spears is one of the most recognized and wealthy young entertainers in the world. She also suffers from the pressures of her "success" in the forms of mental illness, drunkenness, and public humiliation.

Success and failure, based solely upon God's reckoning, is an exercise in understanding position and power. Jesus was once asked, 'what is the greatest commandment?' He replied that we are to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (with all we have), and then, to love our neighbors as ourselves (put others first). Success, in God's eyes, is for us to recognize our position with God, and that is, that He is King, and we are His subjects. Second, it is to recognize that He has all power, and we have none, or none that counts. A "successful" person in God's view is one that worships God and God alone, and then, as a result of that proper position, serves God first, and their fellow person second. Maybe, somewhere down the line, they find time to serve their own interests. Yeah, that is exactly the point.

Wanting our lives to count is as human as wanting to breathe. But how we define 'count' really defines our overall view of the world, and He who made it. For the Christian, this can only mean that we are counted among those who worship God with all we have, making sure that all our dreams and plans and activities ultimately are motivated by wanting to glorify the God who made us. We recognize that being the best teacher or doctor, or a highly recognized personality, or making a lot of money is not going to result in "counting" for anything. In fact, by God's standards, those whose lives have counted the most have been lived in relative obscurity. How many "celebrities" in Hollywood know that Lottie Moon died of starvation, all 50 lbs. of her, because she gave all her money and food away so that starving Chinese people around her could live one more day?

Even Christians need to be reminded daily (or remind themselves) that this "counting" business is serious, and it's not a fairy tale. We have to be determined in our thinking and motivations to keep before ourselves that a life that counts is a life of service to God, on His terms, in His timing, and in His way. This is a VERY dangerous way to live, because God does not seek our glory, but His, and as His servants, it is His sovereign right to use us as He wishes. No wonder so many turn away, seeking their own temporary glory in futility.

Tony Areno lost so much, mostly due to seeking a life that counted for him, but in the ensuing tragedy, he was given a second chance to live a life that counted toward the glory of God. I knew him in both lives, and the 'second life' was far more inspirational and moving than the first.